Rusty Rosman has heard the stories — so many stories — about families feuding after the death of a loved one. Disputes over funeral arrangements, financial considerations and other concerns “add chaos to a time for grieving,” Rosman said. In one instance, brothers argued whether dad — who rarely wore a suit — should be buried in a suit or in his favorite coveralls.
In another, a father had remarried and moved to another state, where he died. Families in two states wrangled over what to do, before choosing cremation and dividing the ashes. Then there was the mother who told her daughter the dress she wanted to wear at burial.
But when the woman died, the dress could not be found. Mom had lost weight, given the dress to charity and failed to tell anyone. It doesn’t have to be so contentious and frustrating, says Rosman, whose service as a community leader and longtime member of the Commerce Township Zoning Board of Appeals, has earned her a reputation for straight talk.
Indeed, she says, loved ones approaching the end of life can help minimize family confrontations by dispensing straight talk of their own on their wants and expectations. “My advice is: ‘If you want something to be a certain way, then say so. Don’t leave it for others to decide,’” Rosman said.
In a new book chock-full of advice, Rosman explains how using two simple envelopes can clear away the confusion and dissension. One envelope should include written instructions for funeral arrangeme.
