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, also known as Brood XIII, also known as the 17-year locust, also known as the Northern Illinois Brood, also known as the cicada you’re most likely to squash (with malice or not) in the next few weeks, has burning red eyes. Large compound suckers. Looks perpetually alarmed.

Its thorax is coal black. Its wings are veined and sort of orange-red, the color of plastic jack-o’-lanterns. Not to demonize these shuffling, jumpy critters.



They won’t kill you. They won’t sting you. They won’t bite your head off.

. Aristotle ate cicadas. What, you think you’re better than Aristotle? Brood XIII, though, is the perfect movie bug.

If this were a film, it would eat you: Some scientists in Springfield would be working on a way to solve world hunger, except good intentions would turn bad and Brood XIII would grow to the size of small dogs and develop a taste for human flesh. More likely, in the next few weeks, as Brood XIII spreads throughout Northeast Illinois, joining up in places with cousin Brood XIX, the worst that will happen is a bunch of dead trees and squirming human flesh. Still, if you are like me, a connoisseur of bug films, the scenario is unnerving.

They don’t bite, they suck, draining precious bodily fluids (from trees). Their names alone — Brood XIII, The Great Southern Brood, and so forth — sound intentionally ominous, and their origin story — they rise out of the earth simultaneously once every 221 years, when the soil is at least 64 degrees — is basic.

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