My brother and I are both divorced; we both moved back to our home state and both share in the care of our elderly mother. He has a condo in Arizona where he takes mom to spend the winters. During that time, I stay in mom’s house and take care of all her bills, the house and her cat.
I visit for a week or so two or three times during the season to give my brother a break. In the summer, my brother comes here and we both travel with and without mom. It works itself out fairly equally and I’m OK with it.
I thought my brother was too. But the other day I walked in through the back door and inadvertently caught him on the phone complaining to someone, how his whole life is all about Mom, and how much he does for her and how little I do. I turned back around so I don’t think he knows I heard.
But I am so hurt I can barely look at him. Should I confront him? Talk to Mom? Pretend it never happened? Help! I can’t tell you what to do because I don’t know you, your personality or your relationship with your brother. I am a confrontational person, so I would talk to him.
I would take him out for a beer, on an evening that your mom was with a friend or another relative, and then I would tell him that you overheard his conversation and you’d like to talk about it. Give him the chance to tell you how he feels, then discuss ways to even the load of caring for your mom. However, if you’re not so inclined as to bring the topic up, you could just quietly assess how you two divide.
