A father of four says it wasn’t until he went to prison that he became a consistent presence in his kids’ lives. While he always loved his kids and wanted to provide for them, he said his approach to fatherhood transformed during his five-and-a-half years behind bars for drug-related crimes. “I tried to give (my kids) a life I never had, but in doing so I neglected so many other things,” the man said in a recent phone interview.
The Canadian Press is not identifying him because he fears reprisal from his former associates. “I started to ask myself: do I want them to remember me for what I bought for them, not what I taught them?” he said. He’s one of nearly 1,000 incarcerated men who’ve since 2017 gone through the Dad HERO program in Canada, which over the course of eight weeks imparts lessons about how to be a positive presence in their children’s lives, both while in prison and when they’re out.
The man, now in his mid-30s, said he was only able to start connecting with his kids after he learned more about himself. He got in touch with his Mi’kmaq heritage and spirituality. He came to terms with the tragedies in his life – the alcohol and drug addiction that were pervasive in his childhood home, the death of his brother and a cousin – and recognized the mistakes he made in the aftermath.
“I acknowledged and I took ownership for the things that I did,” he said. That helped him figure out how to relate to his kids, who were dealing with their own.
