The James Bond jetpack sequence in “Thunderball” (1965) was a cheesy-awesome thing that was like, “Whoa! The future will be jetpacks!” “ My Spy: The Eternal City ” opens like a Bond film, or maybe a movie whose goal is to make the “Kingsman” series look weighty. Dave Bautista ’s JJ, a former Special Forces soldier turned CIA operative, is on a private plane, where he’s playing bodyguard to a teen idol named Ryan (Bill Barratt). Out of the blue, he’s attacked by the flight attendant.
As they go at each other with sharp objects, a helmeted figure zips through the sky in a jetpack, placing a bomb on one of the plane’s windows and blowing a hole in its side; everyone comes tumbling out, and a plunging-to-the-earth scuffle ensues. The hook? The jetpack flier is Sophie ( Chloe Coleman ), a teenage spy with hair like a tent of frizz. While falling through the air and rescuing JJ, she shouts, “So for the last time, can I go to the homecoming dance with Ryan this Saturday?” JJ: “Saturday? You’ve got underwater training scheduled!” Peeved, she lets JJ drop, clinging to Ryan instead.
When he tells her that he can’t go to the dance with her because he’s taking Olivia Rodrigo instead, she drops him as well. So this is what happened to the James Bond future. Like power-strutting rock ‘n’ roll and death by fashion, it became bratty kicks for kids.
Except that calling “My Spy: The Eternal City” a movie of kicks would be stretching things. After t.
