It is nearly a decade since my divorce , and it remains one of the most painful things I have probably ever been through. Along with all the recriminations from both sides, there was also the punishing voice that kept telling me we should stay together because we have four children – my eldest son, Raymond, who was 17 and has a different father, Leonard who was 11, Jerry 10 and our daughter Ottoline who was seven. But what I hadn’t expected was how I was turned on and cast out by some of our friends and the community around us.
At the time we lived in a small village in the heart of Oxfordshire. Everyone knew everyone and, up until that point, I had loved living there. We had a really wonderful social life, lots of friends and felt we fitted in.
I had assumed that people would treat us fairly when we split up. I actually thought that, as I was the main carer of the children and also the main breadwinner , those around us might care and support me slightly more than my ex-husband. The opposite was true.
I went from the hostess with the mostess to social pariah in the space of a few weeks. One minute we had people queuing up to come round for dinner or invite us to lunch parties. The next, people wouldn’t even look at me when I went into the local shop to buy a newspaper or some sweets for the kids.
I will never forget walking into a shop that I had walked into for over a decade and the woman behind the counter just blanking me. I know that when couples split up, people o.
