In many ways, England’s shambolic, almost shameful, stumble into Euro 24’s round of 16 puts us poor fools who support them in a bit of a win-win situation. Sounds weird, right? But bear with me. On the one hand it could be that Gareth Southgate has found a unique way of winning a trophy – boring the opponents (plus millions of unfortunate spectators) into submission.
Nothing is going to catch the likes of France, Spain and Germany off guard as much as seeing a team packed with world-class players playing like a Sunday league team after a particularly heavy Saturday night. If that means we can 1-0 or 0-0 our way to some silverware, then at least the 58 years of hurt will be over, albeit in rather embarrassing fashion. Still a win though! On the other hand, if, as most of us suspect, England are going be utterly found out just as soon as semi-decent opponents realise exactly how bad they are, then at least it means we should see the back of the man who has been masquerading as a football manager for nearly a decade.
Over the generations, we have embraced England’s tournament failure on the basis that the performances have been brave, energetic and passionate. So far, we have not seen one ounce of any of those attributes in Germany despite the incredible depth of the squad. And while going out on penalties or because of an inspired display by our opponents has been par for the course for England fans, going out because the person managing the team clearly doesn’t know .
