As someone who’s all for banter and even some good ol’ fashioned roasting, I can easily laugh off witty, well-meaning jabs from my close friends. But how to deal with a mean friend? You know, the snarky, passive-aggressive “pal” whose insults are always veiled as . (“I wish I could wear as much makeup as you!” “Wow, if only I could be so care-free about my future!”) “None of us enjoy feeling belittled, especially from those we consider to be our friends,” says Melanie Ross Mills, PhD, a Dallas-based therapist and the author of .
After all, these are the people we to have in our lives to lift us up, not drag us down or make us feel insecure. Figuring out how to react to these snide comments can be awkward, though: Do you brush off that backhanded compliment about how “effortless” your job is—even though it lets them get away with being rude? Or do you match their (“Actually, my career is way more challenging than your stuffy office job”) to make a point? “Instead of internalising the offhand remark or impulsively lashing out, it’s important to pause and think about how to respond, because this could be a good opportunity to ” Dr. Mills says.
You don’t have to cuss them out, but handling the situation calmly and confidently can set the tone and show them that you won’t accept being talked down to, she explains. Plus having an open conversation may even strengthen your . For you, it’s a chance to clearly communicate boundaries for the be.
