Fellate Paddington: How Sunak can claw back his patriotic credentials 10th June 2024 SUNAK hates Britain and backed the Nazis during World War Two, most Britons now believe. This is what he must do to show he’s a hardcore flag-shagger: Blow Paddington Collective delusions around Paddington and our late Queen mean he’s now considered to be our very own Grim Reaper, ushering deceased patriots to an afterlife of cucumber sandwiches and warm beer. And he’ll be ushering the Tories there unless Rishi drops to his knees and shows he loves immigrants and British icons equally and orally.
Wins round Lib Dems, wins round Reform, everyone’s happy, especially engorged Peruvian bears. Walk around the Downing Street garden to raise money for the NHS The only functioning funding model for the NHS is the infirm on their last legs staggering around back gardens to national acclaim. Rishi qualifies, so a walking frame and a repetitive totter will see him returned to the nation’s hearts and Michael Ball doing some kind of pissing duet with him.
Then when he’s won he can say ‘f**k you’ with a pool and spa. Burn his Green Card The prime minister claims he will remain in the UK even if nothing but a lowly backbencher, which makes it weird he still had a green card for the US until 2021. Burn it live on TV, promise to get a job in Greggs if he loses his seat, call Californians ‘a bunch of liberal pricks’ and Google ‘search wankers’ and bask in the nationalist glow.
Make ever.
