Before the birth of my daughter in late 2019, I was filled with excitement and anticipation. I knew there would be stress —midnight wake-ups, early mornings—but balanced by joy and discovery . What I was not prepared for was the listless mental fog that enveloped me.
When I returned to the office, it was nearly impossible to concentrate. At home in the evenings, all I wanted was to play video games and be left alone. And after the pandemic hit a few months later, I plunged into a pit of emptiness and self-loathing like nothing I had ever experienced, even after a lifetime struggling with depression .
Don’t get me wrong. I adore my children (we have two now) and cherish my time with them. But first-time fatherhood left me unable to feel anything but exhausted and powerless.
Although I had access to high-quality psychiatric care and never encountered serious problems at work, it would be years before I felt normal. Perhaps to state the obvious, I am not a woman. I did not have to endure pregnancy or push another person out of my body.
I never had to nurse or pump or put up with the expectation of being a perfect mother. I am ashamed to say it, but the psychic shock I experienced came even though my wife was doing most of the parenting. Yet the pain I felt was nonetheless profound—and far more common for men than you might think.
While postpartum depression among women is well-known and afflicts 13% to 19% of mothers, its incidence in men is far less understood but also .
