Conflicts are inevitable even in the most loving of relationships . Goals, needs and interests will differ on matters great and small - parenting styles, delegation of chores, whether the toilet seat should be up. Contrary to popular belief, though, conflicts in and of themselves are not a sign that there’s something wrong with the relationship, experts say.
If managed well, conflicts provide “the opportunity to enhance and grow in our relationships,” said Nickola Overall, a professor of psychology at the University of Auckland specializing in the science of relationships. “It’s not about conflict resolution” since many problems that couples fight about may never fully go away, but about “conflict management,” said Julie Gottman, who researches relationships along with her husband, John Gottman. But if conflicts are not properly managed or are avoided, they can result in negative consequences for the health of both partners and their relationship.
Research shows that while partners in satisfying relationships live longer and have fewer health problems than their single or dissatisfied counterparts, strain and conflict are common. Conflict is especially potent in romantic relationships and associated with worse mental health symptoms, unhealthier patterns of the stress hormone, cortisol, and diminished immune and cardiovascular health. Avoiding or withdrawing from conflict deprives partners of the opportunity to improve the situation and potentially signals a l.