Hey, —we say this with all the love in our heart, but...
are you okay? Do you need to talk to someone? Do you know that there are better ways to let off steam than by taking shots of bug-infused gasoline? There are so many other options! You don’t have to do this to yourselves, Chicago! There’s only a month left until comes back! If you aren’t from Chicago and have no idea what the hell is going on, here it is: there’s a going on right now, which is awful enough, but one local brewery has responded by putting the insects into shots of Malört and , which is even more awful and definitely does not deserve sympathy. What’s Malört, some of you may ask? Great question! It’s a bitter, wormwood-based poison that deemed “the worst booze ever” in 2016. The concoction, which is really only available in the Windy City, is so nasty that it was effectively and never ran into any trouble because authorities couldn’t imagine why people would want to drink it in the first place.
(From one horrible personal experience, this author can’t imagine either. But she hasn’t spent any time in Chicago and maybe just doesn’t get it! Please don’t get mad at her!) If all of isn’t enough to sell you, you can now choke it down with a little exoskeleton to crunch on for dessert. Yum! “Prepare yourself for a once-in-a-lifetime experience because starting today, we’re thrilled to unveil our exclusive locally harvested Cicada-Infused Malört at Lombard Brewpub!” Noon Wh.