A year ago I lost my beautiful daughter, 21, to suicide. It was totally unexpected, and from the outside she appeared to be a normal, kind and happy young woman. We knew she had some anxieties about life and direction, but we never dreamed it was causing her so much pain.
She did it while I was in the house, and I discovered her. I tried but could not save her. I struggle to control my grief.
I would join her in an instant, but I need to be here to support my wife and my family, who are equally in pain. I wake regularly with nightmares of that day. My mood is generally OK, but I know I put on an act in front of people to get through the day, and I go to work to distract myself.
I sometimes want to scream at people to tell them what I'm feeling, but I can't. If I didn't remain calm and try to act normal, I would simply break down and cry and, I think, preferably die. I'm told regularly to go and see someone, and I've spoken to my GP, but I can't imagine what speaking with someone like a specialist can possibly do.
It's not getting any easier after a year. I'm seeking advice because I can't face talking about it with anyone. I am so sorry to hear about your daughter's death.
I could feel the pain and anguish in your letter. I went to consultant psychiatrist in psychotherapy Dr Jo Stubley from the Tavistock and Portman NHS Trust to discuss it. She felt it was interesting that you were repeating what your daughter did by "letting everyone think everything is OK on the outside and.