The Transgender Issue Love in Exile Dear Shon, I came out as bisexual when I was sixteen. I dated a nonbinary person in college then after we broke up they came out as a trans man which sent me into a sexuality crisis. I ended up deciding to use the terms “gay” and “queer” to describe myself.
When using the former it irked me when people assumed I meant I was a lesbian (if I meant lesbian, I would say lesbian). The latter allowed me more flexibility to describe the complexity of my sexuality. Recently, though, I’ve been questioning my identity.
I’ve always thought that, even if I liked a man, I wouldn’t want to pursue a relationship with one. In recent years, I’ve seen “lesbian” being used by women and non-binary folks alike with the description of being attracted to non-men. I currently have a girlfriend who I hope to be with for the remainder of my days, and I find myself making lesbian jokes more than I did before.
All this led me to reading parts of the , which really spoke to me. Learning about compulsory heterosexuality made me question if any of the crushes I have had on men have been genuine. Then, after reading this doc, I had a horrible thought that reduced me to tears: If I am a lesbian, that would mean I’m truly broken.
It seems I have internalized homophobia, but I don’t know why I have this hang-up with “lesbian” when I refer to myself as being gay. I’m also aware that this appears to be a wider issue—the terms “sapphic,” “w.