How often should you visit after someone moves to memory care?

Dear Carol: My mom is on a waiting list for memory care and should be able to move in soon. I’m struggling to accept this change, but she’s been living alone and that’s no longer safe. We’ve got a good handle on what to bring for her room, how to stay involved with her care, and even how to get her there.

What bothers me is some people say we should just take Mom to the facility, turn her over to the staff, and not visit for at least a week. That’s to let her get used to new caregivers. Others say to visit daily, at least at first, to help her adjust.

I’d like to know your thoughts. – AJ Dear AJ: Of course, you’re struggling with this decision. It’s hard for most of us to accept the idea that facility care might be the best, safest option.

It's true that memory care is imperfect, but so are the alternatives. No living arrangement will diminish our importance as family and advocates. You’ve thought through your mom’s needs including what to move and how to get her there.

That’s huge, so kudos to you! Even the fact that you understand the potential controversy of how involved the family should be speaks to your awareness and caring heart. As someone who has helped multiple people settle into different care settings, I was always inclined to visit daily. In my case, several loved ones developed memory loss for different reasons.

To move any one of them and suddenly disappear from their lives (even for a week) was unthinkable to me. Who wouldn’t feel aba.