: I have been married for many years, and for a lot of them I have been unhappy. We have been in a sexless marriage for more years than I can count, largely because the romance is gone. I have been OK with that for a long time.

I haven’t done well at tolerating the constant arguing, though. Recently, I met a man when I was leaving the grocery store. He made a complimentary comment about my looks that honestly shocked me.

I then saw him in the neighborhood another day, and he invited me to have tea with him. I did. While nothing has happened, I did start to feel those fluttery feelings inside that I haven’t felt for years — I thought that was dead in me.

I don’t want to do anything inappropriate with this man, but I do want to hang on to the feelings I thought were gone forever. How can I transfer those feelings to my husband? I’m not sure the human body and heart work that way, but you can try. It sounds like what stirred you up was a man recognizing your beauty, seeing you and appreciating you.

That tenderness is something you crave. Can you remember when you got that from your husband? Perhaps you can create a scenario with him that will make him feel seen as you feel seen. If you can figure out what he craves and set that up along with what you desire, you can create a chance to rekindle your bond.

What won’t help you is starting an affair with the man you met at the grocery store. Handle your own business first. Either reconnect with your husband, or get free .