Dear Carol: Dad died two weeks ago at 89 years of age. Mom is 87 and has what they think is early-stage Alzheimer’s. She’s experiencing some short-term memory and decision-making challenges, but she’s very aware.
Naturally, she’s devastated by Dad’s death and is grieving deeply. Sometimes she’ll look at one of the family and ask a version of, “Did he really die?” as if she forgot. My siblings say it’s time to move her from her much-loved condo where she and dad lived for 25 years to a care facility because she’s “losing it.
” I disagree. I think her questions stem from normal grief. What’s your take on this? Move her or let her stay in her home? – KL Dear KL: I'm so sorry about you losing your dad, as well as how this is affecting your mom.
It’s terribly difficult to comfort others in their grief without any chance to deal with your own feelings. Yet, caregivers often must do that. I believe you need to answer her honestly.
Two weeks isn't very long, so she'll need time, just as any grieving spouse would. Denial is a normal response. Since she’s so aware, she likely understands your dad died, but is still trying to grasp the reality.
These thoughts come from my own experience since I believe that's what my mother was trying to do when she said similar things after my dad died. What at the time seemed like Mom’s general memory loss was more likely a normal reaction to the death of a life-long spouse. For your mom, being in the home she shared w.