In a move that has left the entire nation clutching its pearls, President Emmerson Mnangagwa (affectionately known as ED) has given the green light to none other than the flamboyant, controversy-courting businessman Wicknell Chivayo to spearhead the launch of Starlink in Zimbabwe. The decision has sparked a whirlwind of reactions, ranging from bemused laughter to outright disbelief. It’s no secret that Chivayo, whose fashion sense is rivaled only by his knack for attracting legal trouble, has friends in high places.

But even his staunchest supporters were taken aback by this latest development. Critics are suggesting that ED’s endorsement of Chivayo for the Starlink project might have less to do with Chivayo’s technical prowess and more to do with his impressive collection of tailor-made suits and an uncanny ability to throw lavish parties. In what can only be described as a scene straight out of a low-budget sci-fi movie, Chivayo, who once famously claimed to have “God on speed dial,” has promised to bring Elon Musk’s Starlink satellites to the skies of Zimbabwe.

“Why stop at solar projects and dodgy electricity deals when you can aim for the stars?” quipped a local commentator. Chivayo, ever the optimist, assured the public that his extensive experience in “dealing with electric stuff” and his “close encounters with UFOs” make him the ideal candidate to handle the intricacies of satellite technology. At a press conference that felt more like a stand-.