Asking Eric: I thought I didn’t want children, but what if I really do?

Dear Eric : I’m a 31-year-old queer woman and I’ve been with my partner for 11 years. They’ve known their whole life they don’t want children and have absolutely no doubts. I didn’t think I did either, and didn’t think I had doubts.

But now all of a sudden many people in my queer community are coming out of the woodwork and starting the arduous process of making/adopting babies, and I’m like, “I thought we were all on the same page about this!” It’s making me question my lack of doubt. If I decided I want children, I’d have to blow up my very settled, happy, fulfilling life with this person I love. That doesn’t sound appealing at all! I feel disoriented to have doubt on this topic all of a sudden, and time to decide feels bizarrely scarce.

I’m also having trouble parsing out what is female/heteronormative socialization and what are my actual desires. Have you experienced this or seen other queer friends go through this? How do I know what to feel? – Babeless Babe Dear Babe: We’re just beginning my tenure with this column and I’m still deciding how much of my own personal drama to put in and whether it’s appropriate, but I can assure you that, YES, I have felt many of the same feelings you’re having. To my mind, there’s a couple things going on here.

First, even in lives full of contentment, it’s normal to look around and wonder about the path not taken. If it wasn’t, the whole genre of time travel and time loop movies wouldn’t exist.