Validating the feeling, practising gratitude and expressing ‘sympathetic joy’ can help us understand and accept envy. Envy is an emotion that emerges when we covet what someone else has, and it can feel uncomfortable. One of my former patients envied her brother’s successful career .
While she was working hard to pay the bills, he was vacationing around the world. “I’m such a terrible person for feeling this way,” she said. “Why can’t I feel happy for my brother?” I reassured her envy isn’t a character flaw.
Like all emotions, it’s something to notice and validate. But in extreme cases, this emotion can turn malicious, causing us to bad-mouth the envied person or devalue their success. Perceiving another person as being better off can also fuel this spite and halt empathy, according to one study.
And if you’ve ever felt this way, you probably know envy doesn’t discriminate. It can make us harbour ill feelings even towards people we love and care about..
