Some couples would rather get divorced than talk openly about their intimate lives. As a reporter who covers sex and intimacy, I spend a lot of time listening to experts extol the virtues of open, honest communication. To have good sex — and to keep having good sex over time — couples must be willing to talk about it , they say.
But some people would rather leave their relationships than have those conversations, said Jeffrey Chernin, a marriage and family therapist and the author of Achieving Intimacy: How to Have a Loving Relationship That Lasts — especially if things in the bedroom aren’t going particularly well. “One of the things I often say to couples who are having trouble is: ‘I wish there was another way through this,’” he said. “But the only way I know to have a better sex life, or to resume your sex life, is to discuss it.
” Dr Chernin acknowledged how stressful those conversations can be, sometimes deteriorating into finger-pointing, belittling or stonewalling. That said, these suggestions may help. Embrace the awkwardness It’s common for partners to have trouble talking about intimacy and desire.
Research suggests that even in long-term relationships, people know only about 60 per cent of what their partner likes sexually, and only about 25 per cent of what they don’t like. Cyndi Darnell, a sex and relationships therapist in New York City, said her patients frequently tell her that talking about sex is “awkward” — which is especially .
