When romantic partners come into my practice, I pay attention to their body language as much as their words. I notice first where they sit on the couch — whether it is as far apart as possible, avoiding eye contact, or close enough to touch hands and rub one another’s back. Sometimes it feels like they are reporting to me, while for others I may as well not exist.
Clients in relationship therapy sometimes want to downplay their challenges when they know they’re being witnessed by someone outside their relationship. But their bodies tell a story that gets me closer to their habitual dance with one another, the one that might occur outside this room. “The therapist is in” is a new Seattle Times column about mental health written by Jordan Alam, a clinical social worker based in Seattle.
These columns will have an anti-oppressive and trauma-informed lens. Readers are welcome to email [email protected] about their own mental health challenges, including those related to identity and social forces.
Your message may be answered in a future column, though we won’t use it without getting your permission first. I try to be careful about assigning too much meaning early on. Sometimes physical distance signals fear about having a big conversation rather than disconnection.
Sometimes too much reassurance and eye contact actually inhibits a partner from being honest because they feel they’ll hurt the other person. I relish when couples begin to relax enough to h.
