Cot, wahakura, bassinet, nappies, baby clothes. In two different homes in two different parts of Christchurch , first-time mothers-to-be Jadah Aramoana Coffin (Tūhoe/Ngāti Awa, 20) and Hannah Baker (25) have worked through the required checklist in preparation for their new baby. But what comes next cannot be bought or borrowed.
“I don’t think it’s that complicated, really,” says parenting expert and educator Nathan Wallis (Ngāti Kahu ki Whangāroa). “In that first year of life, your baby is the centre of the entire universe, and you are their slave.” But it takes a village, he says, to support that one person, that “slave”, so they can provide that vital intimate relationship with this tiny, yawning, sleeping, feeding bundle of humanity.
Where in the past, parenting advice tended to focus on sleep, feeding and bowel movements – a hangover from a time when infant mortality was high – now, he says, the most pressing issue is “probably attachment disorders”. “Especially in that first year of life, the more often your baby feels they’re in partnership with you, probably the brainier they’ll be, the more resilient they’ll be, the more fun they’ll be, the better their quality of life will be. “If you’re raised without that intimacy, you tend to be more prone to fear, to be more reactive, you’ve got to look after yourself and you don’t get the opportunity to develop the reciprocal, loving, caring, empathetic stuff that you get in the.
