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New York Times advice columnist Philip Galanes answers readers’ questions. Q: My husband and I have been married for 25 years. I adore him.

He has gained a considerable amount of weight in the last five years, and it’s been accelerating recently. He is a sensitive person, and I don’t want to hurt him. But he also has medical issues, and I worry about his health.



His doctor told him to lose weight, but he hasn’t. How can I broach the subject without being judgmental or hurtful? — WIFE A: I sympathise with your concern about your husband’s health. But it is no secret to him that his doctor advised him to lose weight.

He was the recipient of that advice, and a reminder from you probably serves little purpose. Still, you are entitled to share your worries with your spouse. But they don’t trump his autonomy over his body.

What may be more productive here is a sincere offer to help your husband look more closely at his diet and exercise regimen with an eye to improving them. If he takes you up on your offer, terrific! If not, there isn’t much more for you to do about this (other than to look after your own emotional well-being). Why can’t I break into my boyfriend’s friend group? Q: My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly a year.

It’s going really well. But his close-knit group of friends is not welcoming to me. They are all bilingual, and when they hang out together, they speak Spanish.

I am studying Spanish, but when people speak quickly or use slang,.

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