Dear Carol: Six months ago, our lives changed when my husband, age 58, was diagnosed with younger-onset Alzheimer’s disease. He has good doctors who are trying to help us adjust, but we’re finding ourselves wrapped up in all that he’s lost due to his decreased cognition. We want to learn to work within the bounds of this devastating diagnosis yet still see the possibility of some joy in our future.
We’ve ordered some books on dementia, but they are mostly about caring for older adults. Aside from counseling, which we’re both considering, do you have any thoughts that might help us cope? Please don’t say think only positive thoughts — that’s insulting. – DV Dear DV: I’m so sorry that your husband and you must deal with such an unexpected change in your lives.
I agree that telling you to "just have positive thoughts” would be insulting. While I believe in living life with gratitude, first we need to sit with and acknowledge our very real pain rather than gloss over it. Only then can we come to accept our current reality while retaining our capacity to experience joy.
Neither of you seems to be in denial, which tells me you’re making more progress than you may realize. I’d suggest a support group for couples and/or one for each of you, depending on what you’re most comfortable with. Since a dementia diagnosis comes with unfortunate social stigma that can make it isolating, the company of peers could make all the difference in your lives.
There are ins.
