I’ve always considered a partner being friendly with their ex(es) a green flag—emphasis on . Not too close, lest the connection become something more. Now, nine years into my polyamory journey, my girlfriend (aka, my primary partner) has regular , and the reality of our has forced me to address the wounds left by my last (and final) monogamous partner.
My ex Jennie* was of five years—the person she thought she would marry. In fact, they talked every day. She’d check her phone at dinner, and a huge smile would creep across her face.
Once, when I asked who it was and what they'd said, she said it was him and that I “wouldn’t get it. It’s an inside joke.” I once told Jennie that I felt like he made her happier than I did, that the smile she had when he called or texted was more genuine than the one she had around me.
But no matter how often she reassured me that he was just a friend, I . I never projected my insecurities or got mad at her outright, but internally, I obsessed over him and questioned my relationship. It nearly consumed me—I felt like I was losing my mind.
After Jennie and I broke up, I became polyamorous, which I know may sound paradoxical for someone struggling with jealousy, but I now know that I dove into polyamory for . I didn’t think it could lead to “serious” relationships, and I don’t want to say my relationship with Jennie broke me, but I had some major baggage and after her. Polyamory felt like a somewhat “safe” alternative�.
