"You'll ," my friend's mom warned her in her 20s. Back then, in the 50s and 60s, it was assumed that everyone would have kids after they got married. Marriage itself was a foregone conclusion.
Surprisingly for that era, my parents didn't pressure me. The closest either of them came was my mother once saying, "I hope you have children, because it's one of life's most beautiful experiences." She never brought it up again.
In the end, I . I'm sure having children can indeed be one of life's most beautiful experiences, but I have no regrets. The decision we made was an important one Looking back, 45 years later, on the decision that my husband Barry and I made, I think what happens a woman decides not to have kids is crucial.
In my case, despite the fact that I never experienced any pressure to have children, it took me a while to fully inhabit my new identity as a woman . This was partly because I never experienced a clear, decisive moment when I woke up and said to myself, "I ." Unlike me, Barry experience such a moment of clarity.
Lucky him! Even after 15 years of marriage, I hesitated to finalize the decision. Looking back, I'm puzzled that I never really honored my decision. While I wasn't remorseful or even ambivalent, neither did I rejoice.
I don't mean we should've thrown a party, but rather, I wish now that we had done simple to mark the transition. After all, this was a huge decision — the biggest in our married life. I wish we had marked it with a ritual When we got .
