What it means to be a man is changing. Critical men or masculinity studies is an emerging robust research field that explores how men and masculinity are being transformed by shifting socio-economic, sexual and political conditions in our post-industrial world. Fascinating new male-identifying sub-cultures and communities have emerged, like mushroomcore and dandies .
Yet heteronormative masculinity is typically framed as threatening, toxic or maladaptive, as in the case of fragile masculinity . In my years of swiping on dating apps, I encountered different kinds of masculinities, as well as some very offensive and bizarre behaviours. Particularly perplexing was how quickly men vanished — or ghosted — when in-person dates were suggested, despite saying that they wanted physical intimacy.
This was confusing and seemed to contradict the dominant narrative that men use dating apps primarily for hookups . If not for sex, what are straight men doing on the apps? Are dating apps impacting masculinity? How do these changes in the gender and tech landscape impact women’s sexual possibilities? As a sexuality scholar and a woman who has sought intimacy with men on dating apps, these are important questions. I explore many of them in Sticky, Sexy, Sad: Swipe Culture and the Darker Side of Dating Apps , where I applied my academic training as an anthropologist to my dating life.
My book is based on notes that were taken between 2017 and 2022 when I was actively swiping on dating app.
