Last weekend, I spent almost an hour going on and on (and on) to my friend about how much I can’t stand this one TikToker with the most grating voice and “pick me” energy. And by the end of this passionate vent sesh, I started to seriously question myself: Um, do I have a problem? Of course, it’s natural to feel annoyed by certain people, including ones we barely (or don’t) know at all—like that obnoxious rapper, an or a starlet who magically appears at the airport only to get papped. But there’s a difference between not liking someone and letting that feeling snowball into a full-blown obsession that messes with your well-being, says Janel Coleman, LMSW, a licensed therapist at Madison Square Psychotherapy in New York City.
For example, simply seeing a reality TV villain on your screen shouldn’t trigger you so much that you end up stalking their Instagram reels until 2 a.m. Similarly, it’s not great if hearing your frenemy’s name turns your entire Friday night date into a draining tirade about why they suck.
When someone rubs you the wrong way, “You should be able to feel these feelings and move on,” Coleman says. But that can be difficult to do, which explains why so many of us find it easier to “ than to do the more challenging work of processing those vulnerable emotions,” she adds. Even though a good rant might feel like exactly what you need in the heat of the moment, you don’t want your hatred to mess with your mental health and how you li.
