Thinking about Father David Acosta sitting there and picking out the perfect GIF to send to his friends and colleagues to inform them that they will be assessing possessed pigs tickles me to no end. Was he giggling when he texted the new case assignment to Ben and Kristen? I bet he was giggling. Yes, it’s true: This week, our assessors have been called in by the American Pork Lobby to investigate whether the pigs at Belmonte Farms are possessed.
There’s a VidTap challenge going around in which people eat pork products from the farm and display signs of possession. Pork sales are plummeting. Our team has to get through some pretty weird shit to get to the bottom of things, including pigs going, well, hog wild — you’re welcome — when Kristen accidentally cuts her leg and bleeds on the floor; night vision drone footage from a Belmonte Farm neighbor of Farmer Chet’s son Anthony running through their land like some kind of animal on all fours; and a giant, sniveling, cannibal pig.
What a job, honestly. I have no concept of how much these people are getting paid for their services, but it is not enough. In true Evil fashion, the answers here could be attributed to religious and demonic sources or there could be a very practical, science-based answer.
I won’t go as far as to say “depending on which truth you believe” because David might rip my head off for implying there can be two different truths to what’s happening here, but us Evil fans know — there could b.
