Dear Amy : Several years ago, I was involved in projects with a female friend (I’m a man). Related Articles Ask Amy: My friend’s apology for the snub was nowhere near adequate Ask Amy: I’m not OK with my niece’s late-night visitors Ask Amy: She’s divorced and rarely goes to church, and she says I’m the horrible one Ask Amy: When the worst movie ever made became an Amy Dickinson column Ask Amy: My wife says she fibs because it’s none of my business who she sees I occasionally made jokes and said things that in retrospect I realize were inappropriate. She finally set me straight.
Then COVID and the MeToo movement hit, and I had time to revisit a number of things that at the time I felt were innocent remarks or actions, but were in fact wrong. We have since become friends again, but I occasionally think that I’d like to apologize for every time I made her uncomfortable. I know there are other men who have been even guiltier than I and who have never apologized.
Do I need to? Would my apologizing now, years later, be just for my benefit – or would it be a kind gesture to a good friend? – Conflicted Dear Conflicted : Other people doing worse things than you have done should not enter into your equation. You cannot justify your own choices by finding negative examples to compare yourself to. There is no downside for you to apologize to your friend for mistakes, “jokes” or comments you made years ago.
She called you out at the time, and your friendship took a.
